Guitar World

I have a story to relate about a recent visit to Guitar World (name altered to avoid persecution).

I was interested in a pair of Mackie SRM 350 loudspeakers. The cheapest price I could find was at Guitar World. This was confirmed by a rather solipsistic voice on the other end of the telephone line. I didn't get his name. It didn't seem important at the time. 2 weeks later I received a phone call from GW saying they were offering a crdit card with a 15 month no money down no interest policy. I mentally replied: "SCORE"!

I subsequently enlisted a trusted friend (and bass player--not mutually exclusive) Jon Ross to accompany me to the Dragon's Lair--those of you who have ventured to a musicians mega-store know what I mean.

After spending quite some time assuring my personal sales representative (who seemed to have recently reached puberty) that "someone" had given me a certain quote over the phone, things seemed to be going along at a glacial, but acceptable-under the circumstances--pace. Until my PSR told me there was someone on the line from the credit bureau. I picked up the phone and was informed by a disembodied voice with a distinct southern drawl that I needed to pass a multiple choice quiz before my application could be accepted. I quickly sharpened my #2 penclil and said "lay on, honeysuckle". The sweet voice asked me several rather personal questions about my former vehicles and residences--of which there were of course, many. I must confess to being baffled at times by the sheer cunning employed in an effort to make sure I was indeed the real me. I must have passed the audition, because the D.V. eventually asked me to put my P.S.R. on the line. Unfortunately he was involved in a deep conversation with his mother on his cell-phone. He managed to interrupt and finish the transaction.

So far so good. Until I decided to purchase a keyboard stand which was on sale for an unbeatable price. Therein was the rub. The SKU refised to behave properly and this resulted in a call to the "manager". Unfortunatley this produced a manifestation of the "Uber-manager" Madame Von-Stern. After a quick perusal of the receipt she said "Und who gave you zis price?" (I can't do the dialect). I said "He did" pointing in terror at the wall. Fortunately an aspiring management candidate said: I gave him the price quote and told him about the no-payment credit card. This resulted in a look that would have frozen Himmler, followed by: I vill zee you in ze office later!

At this point I would have started filling out an application for Wendy's, but these P.S.R's are made of sterner stuff. He managed to maintain his Sang-Froid long enough to complete the deal and send me on my way.

All I can say is: I f Music is the food of love, Guitar World is Mickey D's.